


I Shall Call Him Squishy

by draca (wyvernwolf)



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-24
Updated: 2010-03-24
Packaged: 2017-10-08 06:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernwolf/pseuds/draca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Finding Nemo</i> is not porn!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Shall Call Him Squishy

The goldfish swam in lazy circles around the bowl, somehow managing to look extremely satisfied with itself whilst at the bottom of the bowl, a little scuba diver let out a steady stream of bubbles. It made for a pretty picture and Sam smiled to himself as the image evoked memories of happier times.

He pressed his face against the glass of the pet store, his breath misting and momentarily obscuring the image as he muttered quietly, "I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy."

Gene who was standing beside him gave him a quizzical look, unlit cigarette in his fingers. "You what?"

Sam looked up startled. He hadn't realised he'd spoken loud enough for Gene to hear. "Uh, nothing. Just something from a movie I saw."

There was a click as Gene lit his cigarette and then the acrid smell of burning tobacco filled the air. Gene took in a deep breath before releasing it in a cloud of grey smoke and Sam coughed as he inadvertently breathed in a lungful.

Waving a hand in front of his face he said, "I'd really appreciate if you didn't smoke around me, Guv."

"And I'd really appreciate it if you weren't such a pain in the arse," was the grunted reply as Gene blew another mouthful of smoke in his face.

Sam made a face as he took a step away trying to get out of range of the smoke surrounding Gene.

"So who's this Squishy bloke?" Gene asked.

"Squishy?" Sam asked in confusion before letting out a short cough as he breathed in some more of the smoke.

"You know. What you were muttering before. That some bum bandit actor?"

It was a measure of how used to Gene's very politically incorrect terms Sam had become that he didn't even blink at the words. "Huh? No. It's from Finding Nemo."

"Finding whosits?"

"Nemo. It's a movie. I uh, watched it with an old girlfriend."

Gene gave him a considering look. "I never pegged you as a porn watcher, Tyler. And with a girlfriend too. M'impressed."

"What? No! Finding Nemo is not porn," Sam said in horror.

"No?" Gene looked disbelieving. "Sounds like some arty farty fairy poofter porn."

"No, no, there's this fish, see..."

Looking slightly disgusted now, Gene took one last puff before throwing his cigarette on the ground and grinding it underfoot. "A fish? Christ, Sam. I'm a man of the world and I've seen a lot of disgusting things but a fish? 'S'worse than what Dickie Fingers gets up to."

"Dickie- No! No! No! No! You've got it all wrong, Guv."

Gene shook his head and held up a hand. "Shut it, Tyler. I do not want to hear what kind of sick perverted things you get up to."

But Sam wasn't about to let it end there. Not when he knew he'd never hear the end of it if he didn't try to explain things.

"It's a movie, a cartoon, about a fish that was looking for it's son, Nemo, and the line I said was just something that this other fish, Dora, said when she saw some jellyfish and wanted to keep them as pets... " he said in a rush, and risked a look at Gene's face.

Gene was staring at him, an indescribable look on his face, a new unlit cigarette dangling forgotten in his mouth.

Sam winced and waited for the scathing comment he was sure was coming but was surprised when all Gene said was, "You're more unhinged than I thought."

Sam opened his mouth to protest when he caught sight of their mark coming out of the pawnbrokers across the road. He closed his mouth with a snap and nudged Gene, unobtrusively indicating the dark haired man walking in their direction.

"Right," Gene straightened and quickly pocketed the cigarette. He flexed his hands ominously. "Time to have a little chat with our Mr. Jacobs."

The next day, Sam came into work and there on his desk sat the fish bowl from yesterday complete with orange goldfish swimming in circles and the little scuba man. He stared at it for a long moment before looking over at Gene's office where he could see the man himself sitting at his desk, ostentatiously engrossed in reading.

Sam gave the fish bowl another look before he slowly walked over to Gene's office and with a perfunctory knock, let himself in.

"Oi. Did I say you could come in?" Gene put down the report he'd been staring at and glared at Sam.

"Sorry but er, Guv... that goldfish... "

"What about it?"

"Why?" Sam asked quietly, for some reason feeling extremely nervous about the answer.

"You were looking at it and I thought you might be lonely in that shite flat of yours," came the gruff reply as Gene looked away, avoiding Sam's eyes.

Sam tilted his head and looked at Gene in wonder. "You bought me a goldfish because I might be lonely?" He brought up a hand and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know what to say, Gene."

"Oh shut it, Dorothy. S'just a fish. Don't make a big fuss," Gene growled out, a faint flush on his cheeks.

"I- thanks, Gene," Sam said, unable to stop himself from smiling widely at the other man.

Gene's own lips quirked but all he said was, "Just don't call it Squishy."

Sam nodded and turned to leave the room, his whole manner bouncier than it had been when he'd walked into the office. "No. I've got a much better name."

A raised eyebrow and a seemingly disinterested "Oh?" was the only reply he got but he knew that Gene was curious. He waited until he was out the door before tossing over his shoulder with a grin, "I thought I'd call her Jeanie, Guv."

-Fin-

 


End file.
